totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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