I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
