I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think my vagina is haunted
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
