Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
