shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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