Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
