no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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