She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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