Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
