Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
