I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I can't put those talents on a resume
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
