Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
