woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
