I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
