I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
