Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
This toilet bowl is my home.