grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
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In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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