So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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