I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
