naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
