last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Randomize
