The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
