so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
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