All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
