i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
