I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
