Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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