apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
They are going to name an STD after you.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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