The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
