i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
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I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
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You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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