12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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