It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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