I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
