Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
