You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
