There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
