Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
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my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
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The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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