As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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