You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
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I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
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"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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