I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
