It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
