who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
