Betty ford says i'm here all night
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
