I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
