watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
