i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
