The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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