??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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