he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
