I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
