I wannas sexs uuuuu
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
