Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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