Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
