What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
