Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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