Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
