Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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