This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
