I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
