Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
