I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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