i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
