mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
