I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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