He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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