we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
