Can Purell be used as lube?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
