i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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