i love accidental penises.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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