My first STD was from a foam party
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This is the high leading the old right now
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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