I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
