so explain again why im purple
no
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
