the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
