the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
