Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
